Tag Archives: pet parents

Fighting Over Dogs and Cats

Nowadays, many of us pet parents, consider our fur babies our children. There is nothing wrong with that, in my humble opinion. Except that the law considers them property not kids. Still, issues like divorce bring up similar considerations between spouses, what to do about the fur kids. Who gets to “keep” the fur kids? Will custody be shared? Can one party “keep” the fur baby and how often can the other party visit? Below an attorney, guest blogger, Charla Bradshaw, flushes out the issues more fully.

I don’t wanna get divorced…



more info:


Consider making up a pre-pup arrangement (like a pre-nup) that spells out what happens to your pets if your marriage splits up.

True Love American Style

  “We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals”

                                -Immanuel Kant

The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers conducted a poll of 1,500 members and nearly a quarter said they had noticed an increase in custody issues over pets. Courts have had to determine not only who gets the pet but whether one party has the right to see the pet after the marriage breaks up.  Identifying the best interests of the pet in a divorce case can safeguard that the pet is properly cared for after divorce.

Pets can provide unbelievable companionship and unconditional love for adults and children.  Animals such as dogs, cats and horses are considered personal property for divorce purposes and unfortunately can also be the subject of domestic violence.

In a divorce, pets must be awarded as part of the property division and therefore will usually go to one spouse or the other.  However, spouses can choose to co-own the pet going forward and create a visitation schedule for the pet.  We have done these orders and they actually work very well.  We also see pet schedules associated with a child’s visitation schedule where the pet goes with the child.  When spouses co-own a pet, going forward, we must provide provisions for the expenses related to the animal. This can be important when dealing with livestock, such as horses, or an animal that has health issues.

Since pets are considered personal property, there can be disputes over whether the pet is the separate property of one of the spouses or community property.  Separate property can be acquired by a gift, inheritance, or if the property was owned on the date of marriage.  Separate property cannot be divided by a court.  Spouses may argue over whether the pet was a “gift”, or whether the spouses bought the pet together, making the pet community property subject to being awarded to one spouse or the other.

Unfortunately, pets are often targets in family violence but Texas has come to the rescue.  Texas courts can now include pets in protective orders in domestic violence cases. Because pets have suffered abuse when family violence has occurred, in 2011 the Texas legislature amended the law to prohibit the removal of animals from the possession of a person named in the protective order.  In a protective order, the court may prohibit a party from removing a pet, companion animal, or assistance animal, as defined by Section 121.002 of the Human Resources Code, from the possession or actual or constructive care of a person named in the protective order.  The “actual or constructive care” verbiage was added in 2013.  In turn, in 2013, the Texas Penal Code was amended to specify what the possession of a pet, companion animal, or assistance animal by a person actually means.

So what do these protective order laws actually mean for pets?  They mean that a person subject to a protective order that violates a pet provision in the protective order can go to jail, plain and simple.  An abuser will often turn on a pet to cause pain and suffering not only to the pet, but to the perpetrator’s victim(s).  An abuser may also threaten a pet’s life in order to keep their victim(s) close.  As a result, a victim may stay in an abusive situation to keep the companionship of the pet, not realizing the court can make orders with regard to the pet.

One of the problems is that most facilities and shelters for those running from family violence are not equipped to take animals and therefore the animals are left behind. There is a growing need in this regard not only for the safety of the pet but because the unconditional love a pet can give may be lost at the time it is needed the most.

Divorce or abuse can actually take a toll on a pet.  The Humane Society of the United States sets forth the following signs of pet stress:

•    They become depressed

•    They sleep a lot

•    Their appetite lessens

•    They’re not interested in their walks or other daily activities

•    They start to cry or whimper

•    They groom, lick and/or bite themselves excessively

•    They have accidents in the home

The bottom line is that pets are often the subject of divorce and family violence and the laws are improving to protect them.  It is important for everyone to be aware of these laws especially so that abuse victims may realize the court can include a pet in a protective order.  Abuse is bad enough for the lives of those who suffer it, but losing or leaving behind a pet can only make the suffering worse.

Victims asking a court for a protective order should ask the court to make orders regarding their pet(s).  Additionally, spouses in a divorce should be aware that pet(s) are property.  Sadly, a pet may become the subject of a very expensive fight when the real issue is to cause pain to the other spouse.

Charla Bradshaw is an accomplished family law attorney and Denton Managing Shareholder known for successfully summarizing some of the most difficult cases. She was listed among the Top 50 Women Lawyers in Texas (2014) and rated one of the Best Women Lawyers in North Texas by D Magazine. While she employs an aggressive approach to litigating family law cases, Charla Bradshaw is also a certified mediator and handles collaborative law cases.

This is a blog hop post… click on link here

Leave a comment

Filed under adoption, animal abuse, blog hop, cats, dogs, Humane Society, keep pets safe, moms, pet blog hop, pet care, Uncategorized

Free Pet finder apps

You know you want to adopt a pet and maybe you even know which one. But in this digital age, many people are seeking solutions online to help them bring home the pet of their dreams. Petfinder has an app used with smart phones that can make the whole process easier. And the best part, the apps are FREE… You can Find your Match today, read on…


Petfinder iOS and Android Apps Help Prospective Pet Parents On the Go 


Petfinder, the top digital destination for adoptable pets and the online leader in responsible pet ownership, announces the release of its new Android app today, on the heels of an updated iOS app. With more than one million downloads of Petfinder’s iPhone app to date, pet lovers are using their smartphones to make smart decisions about adoption when looking to add a furry friend to the fold.


Both apps are free and make searching for adoptable pets a breeze. Users have access to more than 375,000 pets from approximately 14,000 Petfinder member shelters and rescues. Features spanning both the iOS and Android apps include:


·       Searchability by type, breed, gender, age, shelter or rescue group and more;

·       Easy sharing of pets with friends via email, Facebook and Twitter;

·       Ability to save pets as favorites and make notes about individual adoptables;

·       Contact information and directions to the rescue group associated with each pet; and

·       Touching Happy Tail adoption stories.


Potential adopters and current pet parents also can find out more about the right pet for their family with handy dog and cat breed guides and access Petfinder’s library of video training materials to help ensure a happy, lifelong relationship with their pets.


“We have seen enormous growth in the number of people accessing Petfinder and our resources through mobile devices over the past several years, and we are excited to be able to expand our offerings to consumers,” said Iain Langridge, General Manager of Petfinder. “Petfinder has facilitated more than 20 million adoptions since its founding, and these apps will help us better serve prospective pet parents and our members and, most importantly, to find homes for millions more adoptable pets.”


Both Petfinder apps are currently available on the iTunes App Store and the Android Marketplace.

And before you can say woof woof woof, you and your four legged furry friend will be going to the beach together. Make sure that they have a driver’s license before you let them drive… Happy Adoptions !!!


Leave a comment

Filed under adoption, animal rescue, animals, cats, dog rescue, dogs, four paws up, free, K9 approved, pet adoption, pet apps, Uncategorized

V-day gifts for pet parents

Every parent loves to show off photos/pictures of their sweet angels including pet parents. You can hire a photographer, painter or artist to create a custom image and present this gift to the pet parent of your choice.  You may have to be sneaky about it but that is part of the fun, right.  You can also put a photo of your loved one’s pet on a t-shirt, mug or other item.


Recently, Cici and I met with Deanna Fuller who took photos of us at the park. Below are just a few of the shots. I think she did a great job, what do you think?  If you live in the Monterey Bay area and need a photographer, email me and I’ll put you in touch.




And if you want your loved one to have more than just one keepsake, how about giving them a video camera that they can take videos of their pride and joy and show off regularly?

With the Sony HD video camera, they could capture a day-in-the-life of their pet … Sony’s Action Cam ($269.99) is a great way to capture that footage in high-quality and play back to the family in real-time with its WiFi capability.

find out what their pet’s habits are when no one is home.

At $199.99 http://store.sony.com/p/Action-Cam,-Compact,-Rugged,-HD-video,-action-camcorder,-Go-Pro,-Skateboarding,-Cycling,-Hiking,-AS10/en/p/HDRAS10/B can reveal really fun information about beloved pets. It’s a wearable full HD video camcorder that’s a mere 3.2 ounces and boasts SteadyShot image stabilization to always ensure smooth video, which is perfect for any sort of mischief your pet might get into in. The Action Cam also captures a stunning 170-degree viewing angle so you can see way beyond your pets peripheral to really see what they can!


So far, we’ve left out the traditional hearts, flowers and chocolates, but here goes… you can get your sweetie a bunch of chocolate in the shape of a dog… yummy and delicious…


Here are some yummy sugar-free and/or wheat-free cupcakes, and perhaps you can make them in the shape of a dog or a cat…


Fill a jar of dog goodies and donate animal / dog / cat treats (bones, cookies, biscuits in the shape of a heart) to your loved one’s favorite animal rescue group or shelter.

Make a five minute doggie valentine…toooo cute…



Adopt or foster a dog or cat from the local shelter or rescue group, only if you will love them forever.

Make a coupon book for your loved one and have items such as l hour pet sitting, dog grooming, or other items that are pet friendly as well as massage, poem writing and romantic items. Have fun with it and be creative.

1 Comment

Filed under animal rescue, cats, chocolate, dog treats, gift giving, holiday gifts, K9 approved, pet adoption, pet care, pet sitting, pet travel, puppy love, Uncategorized, Valentine's Day

Cupid Canines

The way to a Woman’s Heart is not Diamonds, hearts, flowers, candy or balloons…

As Valentine’s Day approaches ,

according to a survey conducted by PetPlan Pet Insurance of more than 4,300 American Pet Parents, 66% of women said they would rather receive Valentine’s kisses from their four-legged friends than their two-legged sweethearts.

And that’s not all. Petplan’s survey reveals that 67% of FEMALE Pet Parents would end a relationship with a significant other if their partner clashed with their pet, and nearly 60% of women plan to spend more on their four-legged loves than their human lovers this Valentine’s Day. Move over diamonds – it looks like Pets are a WOMAN’s Best Friend !


MEN picked their partners over their pets in every category; nearly 60% said kisses would be sweeter from their significant other, and nearly 70% plan to spend the most money on their two-legged honeys this February 14. Less than half of the men surveyed said they would leave a partner who didn’t connect with their pet.

Despite these differences, men and women agreed that their pets make a cute Cupid; 68% polled say their dogs and cats bring them and their significant others closer. And the overwhelming majority (81%) of pet parents plans to give their fur-kids a special gift for Valentine’s Day. (Our annual Valentine’s Day Gift Guide will be posted soon)… lots of goodies for pet parents and their pooches.

“When it comes to our pets, we wear our hearts on our sleeves,”

This Valentine’s Day…

Give your Fur Friend a Healthy GOO Glow !

Thank you Healthy Goo for all your Hard Work and for this blog post.


and here are some savvy tips on how to find love in all the right doggie places…


Cupid Costume for Your Dog

Cici would destroy this homemade costume in 2 minutes or less…  (video)



what do you think, is your pet your best friend and are you buying them a gift and/or dressing them up for V-DAY???


Blog Hop time…thanks to Life with DogsTwo Little Cavaliers and Confessions of the Plume…  grab the blog hop  link


Leave a comment

Filed under all you need is a dog, All you need is love, animals, cats, dogs, four paws up, gifts for your dog, pet blog hop, Uncategorized, Valentine's Day, women with dogs, women writers with dogs

Easter sweet surprise giveaway

In her Easter bonnet, no, Cici will not appear in a hat…

and no we are NOT giving away Easter bunnies… hop hop hop…

Every once in awhile us pet parents have to indulge in a sweet delight just for ourselves, and usually mine is chocolate, something I can eat and Cici cannot… but recently I sampled these amazing sweet treats so what we ARE giving away is a box of …

Zeke’s Butterscotch 

This is the best butterscotch I’ve ever eaten. Tastes fresh, rich and is simply addicting. NOT for dogs.  Humans only. Melts in your mouth delicious.

To be eligible for the box of homemade vintage butterscotch, participants must “Like” the Zeke’s Facebook fan page and Tweet the following to Zeke’s Twitter page: “What’s your best memory with butterscotch?” Leave a comment here and/or like the Have Dog Blog will Travel Facebook page, too to keep us in the loop.

Contest ends April 18 at midnight PST. You’ve got just Eight more days to enter and win.  (Yes, we just extended the date) … And if you make us laugh, with a photo of your pet in rabbit ears, (optional) you may just get an extra special pet treat, too. 

So hop hop hop over and you just may win this yummy sweet surprise…

For me, my memories of butterscotch are of the hard candy kind. My dad had a store in Manhattan near to Chinatown. And on special occasions, we would visit the Lower East Side for candy. There were all kinds of goodies… shoe leather (apricot delight), licorice ropes in various flavors, fruity filled hard candies and butterscotch. The candy store near our home where I usually bought my candy held treasures such as MaryJane’s, Clark bars or anything sweet and salty combined with butter, chocolate and/or peanut butter, made me happy. But the more exotic types of candy obtained in NYC were a rare treat for us kid candy connoisseurs.

My grandmother‘s pocketbook was also a great resource for candy. It was usually filled with delights such as peppermint Chiclets gum and butterscotch candies, too. I loved to dig through her purse (how rude, huh) and find something sweet and delicious. It was one of our rituals. Whatever I found, I could eat. Hey, I was 10 and younger. I lived for stuff like that.

About Zeke’s

The Zeke butterscotch candy gets its unique flavor from the ingredients from a recipe from Zeke’s mother, Old Wuss as she was called, who found it in a cookbook that was published in Chicago around 1860, way before imitation flavors were invented.   REAL butterscotch is made with real ingredients.  The main ingredients are Hawaiian pure cane sugar, butter, Grade AA Creamery Butter and lots of it and unsulphered molasses which gives Zeke’s Butterscotch its deep, rich flavor.  The apple cider vinegar in the candy creates a chemical reaction that softens the butterscotch when it is warmed – as in your mouth, and that’s when you’ll start drooling.  It has a very juicy, buttery flavor.  Two more minor but very important ingredients are water (pure and natural) and salt.

Zeke’s Candy Company, formerly Cotton’s Candy Kitchen Co., is owned and operated by Sheila and Jeff Cotton in Cedarville, Ca. and has been in operation since 1988. The two married candy connoisseurs love making vintage candy butterscotch.

Blog Hop time…  thanks to Life with Dogs,Two Little Cavaliers and Confessions of the Plume…  grab the blog hop code…


Filed under blog hop, bunny rabbits, Easter, four paws up, free giveaway, Made in USA, pet blog hop, Uncategorized

Love muffins contest

What’s better than a pet’s love and affection? This Valentine’s Day, consider your pets’ unabashed adoration, slobbery kisses and enthusiastic tail wagging and enter Radio Beastro’s “Unconditional Love Muffins” contest.

Created by pet lifestyle expert Kristen Levine, Radio Beastro is an On-Demand Petcast dedicated to helping the 72.9 million American pet parents make life with pets happier, healthier and more rewarding.

Our pets show their love for us in gestures both small and grand, every single day. Radio Beastro wants to know, “How does your pet show you love?” Pet owners are asked to upload a photo of their pet along with a short description of how their furry friend shows affection, for the chance to win one of three “pawesome” prizes:

  • Grand Prize: One-Year Supply of Ascenta, canine or feline Omega-3 supplement (a $400 value)
  • Second Prize: $50 BarkingDeals.com or MeowingDeals.com Gift Certificate
  • Third Prize: Angry Birds Pet Toy Prize Pack (including one “Birds Gone Crazy” cat toy, one “Two Heads” tug toy, one plush head and two tiny dog plush heads)

To enter the contest, visit http://on.fb.me/ABUnx2. Entries must be submitted by 5:00 p.m. EST on February 29, 2012. There is no limit on the number of entries per person.

About Radio Beastro

First broadcast in October 2011, the weekly show addresses topics such as pet obesity, smart food product choices, winter preparation tips and creating safe, healthy environments for pets. In addition to learning valuable tips from Levine and other on-air guests, Radio Beastro listeners have the opportunity to win prizes and gain access to special pet product discounts and promotions.

Radio Beastro can be heard on WebTalkRadio.net or by downloading the show’s podcasts from iTunes. More information about the show is available at www.RadioBeastro.com.


Happy Valentine’s Day

Leave a comment

Filed under contest, dog kisses, dogs, Uncategorized

Pet Parents’ New Year’s Resolutions

While many humans are busy making New Year’s resolutions for themselves, more than 1,000 pet parents recently shared the things they plan to do to keep their pets happier and healthier in 2012.

Halo, Purely for Pets conducted the Pet Parents’ New Year’s Resolution Survey during December 21-23, 2011.  Of the 1,045 pet parents who participated in the survey, 26.1 percent have only cats in their household and 38.4 percent have only dogs. The remaining respondents, 35.5 percent, have both dogs and cats living with them.

According to survey results, a large number of pet parents feel they could do a better job grooming their pets, with 68.1 percent resolving to trim their pets’ nails more often, 52.6 percent planning to give their dogs and cats more baths, and more than 80 percent committing to more frequent brushings.  A little more than 35 percent plan to give their pets supplements to help their coat and skin. Finally, the pets may not like this, but a full 50 percent of pet owners plan to brush their pet’s teeth more often.

Interestingly, nearly 46 percent of respondents plan to help their pets lose weight. Considering recent studies show that more than 50 percent of dogs and cats are overweight, this awareness and recognition among pet owners is encouraging in the battle against pet obesity.

The majority (68.7 percent) of respondents with overweight pets plan to help their pets drop pounds by increasing exercise and 44 percent are going to feed their pets better quality food. A little more than 35 percent are going to reduce the amount of food their pets eat.

Even those whose pets don’t need to lose weight recognize the benefits of exercise for dogs and cats. Nearly 89 percent of those surveyed want to help their pets get more exercise this year, with the majority (62.4 percent) planning more walks and 68.3 percent committing to play with their pets more often.

An overwhelming number (94.1 percent) of those surveyed plan to help pets in need this year, with nearly 70 percent saying they will donate to a rescue or shelter. Other ways respondents say they’ll help pets in need include fostering (11.9 percent), adopting another pet (11.5 percent), playing freekibble.com or freekibblekat.com to earn Halo Spot’s Stew donations for shelters (45.5 percent) and 65.6 percent plan to continue what they’ve already been doing to help pets.  Quite a few respondents will help feed and care for feral cats in their neighborhood and others say they plan to volunteer their time at a local shelter or rescue.

Survey respondents were invited to share additional resolutions not included in the survey and the responses were unique, fun and heartwarming! Some examples of our favorites:

“Get an RV so we don’t have to leave them for vacation.”

“Train my cat to be a therapy animal.”

“More car and wagon rides.”

“To keep his wellness vet visits.”

“Attempt to walk my cats using a harness.”

“Not to shoo my cats away when I’m watching Ellen.”

Many pet parents say their top resolution this year is to love their dogs and cats even more than they did last year (is that even possible?), spend more time with them and increase the amount of snuggles, hugs and kisses.  It sounds like it’s going to be a great year for everyone!



1 Comment

Filed under dog friendly, dog health, dog treats, dogs, ellen degeneres, exercise your dog, healthy dog food, keep pets safe, Uncategorized

a thriving pet friendly economy

Popular consensus holds that the recession is negatively affecting most Americans (the 99%). Yet pet owners are still managing to spoil their pets even in this economy. Approximately $50.84 billion will be spent on our pets in the U.S. in 2011. That’s a lot of dog cookies and bones. A majority of the money will be spent on boarding, health care (vet bills), and pet travel including stays at pet friendly hotels.

When traveling with pooches, many pet parents are concerned about items such as fees, amenities, policies, location location location, as well as pet friendly hotel chains that cater to Fido.

Pet friendly accommodations include low or no pet fees, lots of amenities including pet tags, beds, treats, lots of room to walk the dog, potty waste bags, pet menus, and lodging that offers pet friendly perks such as pet massage, yoga (doga) classes, doggie gyms, a pet mascot, pet friendly concierge and other hotel employees and a location nearby to dog parks, dog beaches, dog friendly wineries, and/or other dog friendly places and activities. Other amenities offered at pet friendly hotels include Spa treatments for dogs. And high-end toys, jeweled collars and their own wardrobes. Even camp, gourmet treats, a water bowl and fresh bottled water.

Hotels that are pet tolerant (as opposed to friendly) with restrictive policies (weight and breed restrictions), high pet fees, and low on amenities do not get as much pet traffic as pet friendly hotels.

Spending on pet services, such as grooming, boarding and day care, is expected to top $3.65 billion. Brands from Old Navy to Paul Mitchell and Omaha Steaks all have pet lines now, according to the American Pet Products Association.

For more information, visit our pet friendly travel blog posts here at Have Dog Blog Will Travel. Some are listed by the city (Las Vegas, Half Moon Bay, for instance). We share our experiences at various pet friendly hotels/venues as well as make recommendations in our free online pet travel resources for pet parents traveling with Fido and Fluffy.

Visiting another city/town for the howlidays? Have Dog Blog Will Travel offers a directory and online guide of pet friendly hotels and accommodations across the U.S. and Canada, airline policies, pet travel tips, pet travel supplies, along with other pet travel resources.


some pet friendly lodging from miami to arizona


this Great Dane dog is ready to roll… 🙂


Leave a comment

Filed under Adventure, all you need is a dog, dog travel, dog treats, doggie bags, K9 travel, pet friendly dining, pet friendly lodging, pet travel, spoil your dog rotten, tis the season, toys and treats, travel, travel with dog, travelwriting, Uncategorized, wine country

what, customer service and the power of choice…

customer service, the operative word being customer, when did the customer stop being right and start being nickeled and dimed and treated badly by the hospitality industry and others?

Stephanie was telling me how she was woken up by a customer at 5 am who wanted to stay at the motel. The customer rightly wanted a discount at that early hour. Stephanie offered them a late checkout until 2 pm with a fee. Not exactly what the customer wanted. The customer was from Nevada and decided to stay somewhere else.  Good for the customer.

Now admittedly, Nevadans are spoiled by hotel casinos going the extra mile, giving comps and discounts and great prices (usually)… AND this is the first time I have ever heard of a late checkout fee.  I usually opt to stay until noon or 1 pm and have NEVER been charged a fee for checking out late.

Excuse me, hotel and motel owners, who is paying your employee’s salaries and who is paying your profits???  Your customers. And if you don’t treat your customers right, you won’t have any customers sooner or later.

Yesterday, I talked with Wyndham Rewards… I’ve spent $1,000+ on motels in the last month or so and they are supposed to credit me with points so that I get free rooms… yeah, right… ok, at least the program does not cost anything but when I asked if my stays were recorded they told me that the stay I had a few nights ago is not in their system yet, it takes 10 days. Ok.  Then I stayed at one motel in Medford, Oregon for ten nights and the guy tells me that doesn’t count because I used a coupon… so what I still spent $500 there that should count for something. It is really starting to annoy me that you spend so much money on these places and they don’t feel any obligation to give you anything, not even a decent room.

Maybe I am spoiled. The hotel casinos in Nevada do give great deals and they do that because people spend so much money gambling… so why then when I called one hotel casino in Oregon, they wanted $89 a night…do customers have to go to Nevada for fabulous rooms and great service, and forget the rest of the country???

Wise up, people. In this economy and even when times are good, people want the MOST bang for their buck. And your bad attitudes and cheapskate ways are gonna lose you customers. It’s just business. Plain and simple reality. And dog owners are going to revolt, too. Who wants to be charged $5, 10, 25 or $50 extra a night to bring along Fido or Fluffy?

and who wants to spend $28-50+ on a dog’s own hotel suite if the service is not superb ?

customers have the power of choice… if you could choose between a motel that does not give you the amenities that it tells you it has, is rude, and the place smells, and a motel that is clean, fresh and homey, both for the same price, $50-55 a night with dog?  (crown pacific vs. captain cook inn, both in Lincoln City, Oregon), where would you stay?  no brainer, right… I chose Captain Cook Inn… and I figure if one motel can offer a great room and service for $54 a night, then so can the others.



1 Comment

Filed under dog friendly, dog travel, dogs, K9 travel, mutts, Nevada, Oregon, pet care, travel, travel with dog, travelwriting

is my dog contagious?

 Thanks so much to Pet Rescue Central for linking to my funraising article… 


My dear sweet Cici writer has some serious afflictions and various harmful conditions… and I thought i would share them with you all to see if you know what to do to cure her… some, if not all of these, are believed to be in the K9 handbook… email me for a copy.

first of all, she is a true bruceaholic… she has a very serious bruce addiction…  bruce almighty… our friend and landlord bruce is her best friend and she just cannot get enough of him… as evidenced by her constant nagging, wailing, barking, growling and waiting at the stairs to get her fix of him 400 times a day… the following afflictions that she causes are numerous including but not limited to: 

Whackto Intolerance… whenever she gets all crazy girl whacko, at some point, you reach the brink and cannot tolerate her wild flights running up and down the stairs, jumping madly up on the couch, or barking in the mirror one minute longer… at this point, either you take a drink to calm your nerves or throw the dog outta the house and into the yard, lawn furniture be warned ! 

Repetitive Lick Syndrome, this ensues at the closeness of anyone’s feet, hands or face, beware…  symptoms include slobbered on wet toes, arms, eyeballs and/or cheeks…Tail Lashing, quite deceptive so be forewarned, the onset is quick, sudden, and caused by sheer excitement…you may think that she is happy to see you and think it’s cute but if you get too close, you may feel like your knees are being flogged with a whip… try putting a pillow over said tail, this should cause symptoms to abate… otherwise, tackle the K9 down to the floor on their back and administer belly rubs… 

Chewtonia, aka chew the one you’re with, this dangerous condition must be prevented due to possible loss of fingers or toes, while the K9’s mouth is still open, insert a large plastic object such as a chew toy or bone, get your digits out of the mutt’s mouth as quickly as you can and run for the hills! Smotherization, aka dog butt on your head while you sleep, and/or doggie breath swarms into your face while you doze, a deadly combination, if synthesized with RLS (Repetitive Lick Syndrome outlined above) suffocation can occur at all altitudes… 

OneEarUp complex, it is believed that this signals an incoming message from the Pack Leader in the Sky. These messages are inaudible to human ears, and audible only to K9’s. Letting your dog listen to these alerts can lead to bouts of incessant barking at invisible objects and frenzied running around in circles, leaping into your lap or hiding underneath the bed. It is also possible that the reason dogs drink out of the toilet bowl is to receive messages, since toilet bowls are conducive and another deceptive method of incoming calls. The only antidote is doggie ear muffs, to be applied at random moments to keep the K9 off guard as to your intentions. Also, close the bathroom door and keep your mutt out.

Sniffitup, another grave complex, that is evidenced by dog sniffing the grass, your shoes, everything in its path and can lead to meandering off any given path, standing still with nose quivering, followed by swfit outbursts of taking gross, disgusting and/or repulsive items into one’s mouth such as dead birds, rats or feces. No known cure.

Growlybearitis, one of the most lethal conditions that is the equivalent of Jewish mother guilt inducement… your beloved dog sticks their head underneath the bed and growls whenever they are displeased with your behavior. Someone unknown passing by might be inclined to believe their sad doggie story. They also could be tempted to call the ASPCA because clearly you have been neglecting your precious pet, deprived them or otherwise mistreated them. What a poor innocent dog. Now, give me one hundred Hail Mary’s and one hundred sit-ups. You are bad, to blame and there is no redemption for a pet parent who does not pay attention to their dog 24/7 and give them whatever it is they want 24/7.  Obviously, you are the meanest pet parent on the face of the earth and deserve to be banished forever to the hinterlands, Timbuktu or Antartica, whichever is worst.. that is until dinnertime, when the said K9 has to go out, or you are reprieved by giving them a new chew toy,  bone or belly rub. Better shape up ! 

Feetwarming, a nice fuzzy deceptive trick to keep dog owners from kicking said K9 outta the bed and house no matter the day or night…. may be contagious… highly addictive… 


Leave a comment

Filed under all you need is a dog, chew toy, dogs, four paws up, funny, justforlaughs, K9 approved, K9 handbook, mutts, shaggy dog story, silly dog, smile